New Toys Can Be Killer
by Mike9305
Summary: Andy recieves a new puppet for Christmas, and strange things happen...toys are murdered, and disaster strikes... With the help of old friends and new, can Buzz stop this great evil before it's too late?
1. Christmas With The Davis Family

Snow lightly sprinkled the Davis's lawn one bright Christmas morning. Mrs. Davis had woken Andy and Molly up, and all three had ventured downstairs in their PJ's, bringing large blankets to help keep themselves warm. Andy and Molly looked around at the many presents Santa had brought for them as Mrs. Davis prepared some hot chocolate as was customary on Christmas mornings.

"Look Molly!" Andy said to his little sister, "Santa brought us all of these presents!"

"Yay!" She clapped happily, a string of drool hanging from her mouth. Andy laughed as Mrs. Davis came in.

"I've got hot cocoa!" She announced, handing some to Andy.

"Alright!" He said happily, quickly taking his large green mug of hot chocolate.

"Who's ready to open presents?" She asked, sitting down and bringing Molly onto her lap.

"Me! Me!" said Andy as he grabbed a large present wrapped in bright red wrapping paper with little reindeer scattered about on it.

"Bambi!" Molly laughed, pointing at the reindeer.

"No, dumbass. Rudolph," Andy said.

"ANDREW DAVIS!" Mrs. Davis scolded her son. "Where did you hear that word?"

"The Rosie O'Donnell show."

"Well," Mrs. Davis thought for a moment. She didn't want to say 'Don't watch that show anymore, young man!' because she LOVED the Rosie O'donnell show, and she would just be a huge ass hypocrite in front of her darling children. "Don't ever say it again!" She finally said.

"Ok, sorry, mommy," Andy said sweetly.

"Apologize to your baby sister."

"I'm sorry, Molly," Andy mumbled. While this took place, the little green Army men skillfully made it into the Davis's Christmas tree to spy-er I mean, see which presents the children would be receiving. They brought Molly's baby moniter with them, while the toys upstairs in Andy's room had the receiver. They used this system whenever Holidays or birthdays came about. They would use this to find out which toys the kids had gotten, so they wouldn't soak their panties with too much anticipation.

Andy went back to his present and viciously tore the wrapping paper off like a demon deer eating its prey, skinning the flesh off it's very bone.

"WOW!" Andy exclaimed, holding his present up.

"What'd you get?" Mrs. Davis asked, smiling.

Andy looked at his gift, confused. "A pair of extra large bras and lime green thongs?" He looked over at his mother.

"Oh, that must be MY present from Santa!" She said quickly, grabbing the box of undies and bras from her son. "Gee, thanks Mike," her husband, "For the gifts..." She mumbled.

"Well, Andy just recieved a pair of huge ass bras, and some thongs," The army men reported to the toys in Andy's bedroom.

"Ooh, baby!" Both Bo Peep and Woody said, their faces lighting up with delight.

"Nevermind, they're just for Mrs. Davis," The army men told the toys.

Andy reached over for one of HIS gifts. Mrs. Davis quickly checked to make sure her son wasn't going to open a box of some fresh pads or tampons, and let out a sigh of relief seeing it was for Andy.

"Wow! A new set of Hotwheels cars!" Andy happily said. "Look what Santa gave me!"

"Wow!" Mrs. Davis said, "Let's let Molly open one now."

"Ugh, fine," Andy said, grabbing one of Molly's presents and throwing it at her. The corner stabbed Molly in the eye, and she flew back, screaming.

"ANDREW!" Mrs. Davis said, raising her voice. "WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?"

"I'm sorry, Molly!" Andy said, tightly hugging his sister.

Mrs. Davis sighed, and inspected her eye. "It looks like she'll be okay." She quickly helped Molly open her present.

"What'd Santa bring her?"Andy asked curiously.

"Wow! A brand new pink Piggy bank!" Mrs. Davis said.

"And Molly recieved a piggy bank," The soldiers reported.

"What a crappy gift," Mr. Potatohead said.

"Speak for youself!" Hamm said. "Sounds like I'm going to find myself a girlfriend!"

Andy reached over for a present wrapped in dark purple wrapping paper, with little skulls decorated on it.

"What the hell?" Andy said.

"Santa emo!" said Molly.

"I don't remember wrapping that present..." Mrs. Davis thought. "Oh, duh, Mike obviously got it for Andy. God, doesn't he know Emo wrapping paper and 8 year-olds don't mix?" She shook her head as Andy tore the paper off.

"Whoa," Andy's eyes widened.

"What'd Santa give you?" His mother asked, curious.

"Some ugly-ass puppet named Bambi!" Andy held up his present. It was a box with a strange puppet inside. The puppet had light skin, and a round nose, with dark purple lips. It had short, but kind of spikey black hair, and green eyes. It was wearing a black t-shirt, dark blue jeans, and black shoes with a skull on each tip of the foot. In huge, bright letters on the box written in yellow read "BAMBI! THE MAGICAL PUPPET OF PLAY TIME!"

"Wow, what a cool toy!" Mrs. Davis lied.

"Yeah. Sure," Andy said unenthusiastically, throwing it aside. Next came one of Molly's gifts.

"Ooh, the new Malibu Rachel doll," Mrs. Davis said as Molly held up a Barbie-type doll with brown hair.

"Yay!" Molly exclaimed, joyfully clap.

"This sucks!" Andy said suddenly. "How come I get the crappy gifts and she doesn't?"

"Andy!" Mrs. Davis scolded. "Don't be so selfish! Now open your presents right now!"

"Oh, shut up!" Andy spat. "You just want us to finish so you can go run off and watch the Rosie O'Donnell show!"

He had her there.

"That's not true!" She lied.

The rest of the morning consisted of more gift unwrapping, and joyous family bonding (with Molly get poked in the eye by a pine needle from the Christmas tree and rushed into the bathroom). The soliders reported each and everyone gift and present as they were unwrapped and packed their things up when the Davis family was finished.

"Well," Woody said finally when the soldiers signed off. "Looks like we've got some new toys to meet!"

Whether this would be good or bad was still yet to be found out...


	2. Meet The Bambi

Later on it the day, after the Rosie O'Donnell show was over for the hour, Mrs. Davis told Andy to go get dressed. They were going to visit their cousins.

Andy rushed upstairs and burst into his bedroom. He began to quickly get undressed. Woody watched from atop the dresser he was on, and Bo Peep scurried over from Molly's room to watch. When Andy was finished, Bo Peep ran off again and Woody remained lifeless. Andy quickly ran off and the toys all came to life when the sound of the front door closing was heard.

"Let's go meet the newcomers!" Slinky Dog said merrily.

"Right, I'll go get Molly's toys," Mr. Potatohead offered, and ran off. Eventually, all of the toys in the house ventured to the stairs and began to climb down. Buzz and Jessie walked down hand in hand, staring deeply into each others eyes. Woody rolled his eyes and pulled Bo Peep closer to him. She quickly slapped him across the face, and furiously kicked his nuts, running away from him.

When everyone finally reached the bottom of the stairs, they crossed over into the living room, where much of the news toys were already out of their boxes.

"Hello everyone!" Woody said.

"Well Hi!" Malibu Rachel ran over to Woody and gave him a big hug. "The name's Rachel, and you are?"

"Um...Woody..." Woody said, a little scared.

"Well aren't you just the cutest thang!" Malibu Rachel laughed, and then looked over at Buzz. "Scratch that, you ain't the cutest thang," She said, suddenly pushing him away. "You are!" She cried happily, skipping over to Buzz and hugging him.

"Back off," Jessie warned.

"Oh, I see you're taken? I guess I have no choice...but to go back to the cowboy..." She looked over at Woody, who was picking his nose. "On second thought, single is better than _that._"

"Hello, everyone," A cold voice spoke behind the toys. Woody turned around and gasped. A weird puppet stood, looming over everyone. "The name's Bambi."

Everyone's mouths fell slightly open, except for Woody, who burst out laughing.

"BAMBI?! AHAHAHA! WHAT KIND'VE OF NAME IS THAT?"

Silently, Bambi walked over to the Christmas tree. He grabbed a large, green glass ball ornament with the words "Andy's First Christmas" written on it with red glitter paint. He walked over to Woody and forcefully smashed it on top of his head.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL?" Woody screamed as blood trickled down the side of his face.

"You deserved it, asshole," Bambi said, picking up a piece of the shattered glass ball and stabbing Woody's private area as hard as he could. He grinned as Woody cried out in pain.

Everyone screamed and stepped back.

"Not to worry, everyone," Bambi said, dropping the glass piece. "I'm a really nice guy, as long as you don't laugh at my name, like bozo over here."

Woody gasped for air as he fell to the floor, tears falling down his face. Everyone gave a sigh of relief.

"Hello, I am Buzz-" Buzz began.

"Lightyear," Bambi finished. "That one was easy," He said quietly. "Everyone else...not so much."

"I'm Jessie, and this is Bulls-eye."

"Hello."

"IM MRS. POTATOHEAD, AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND! AND OUR CHILDREN!!" She pulled the green alien toys from Pizza Planet closer to her. Bambi nodded silently.

After a long time of everyone introducing each other, the sound of the Davis's van was heard pulling up. The toys quickly rushed back up the stairs, while Bambi ran into his box, sealing it, seeing as Andy never opened him.

The Davis family walked onto their front porch and Mrs. Davis fiddled with the house key, trying to get the door open. It was frozen. She twisted the doorknob furiously, and pushed as hard as she could into the door repetitively. Molly looked up and noticed icicles.

"Ooh, pwetty!"

Mrs. Davis shoved her shoulder into the door as hard as possible, causing the house to shake. The icicles snapped from their bases and flew down, stabbing Molly in the eye.

"AHHHHHH!!" Molly screamed, running around in circles.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Mrs. Davis and Andy screamed, freezing their asses off in the cold weather. Mrs. Davis finally got the door open, and more icicles flew down. Molly ran inside the house quickly just in time before being stabbed. Mrs. Davis noticed the icicle in her eye.

"MOLLY!" She quickly dragged Molly away into the bathroom. Andy shrugged and stepped inside, slamming the door behind him. He walked over to some of his toys, and spotted Bambi.

"I have a special place for you," He said, picking Bambi up. Bambi seemed to be grinning, which creeped Andy out. He quickly carried the box upstairs, and ran into his room. The toys were in their original spots, all lifeless. Andy walked over to his bed, and pulled out Slinky Dog and Rex, and shoved Bambi under the bed.

"Hopefully I never have to see you again," He mumbled as he pushed the puppet under the bed. He left Rex and Slinky out in the open and went back downstairs to go play with his new Christmas toys.

"Ooh, that's harsh," Slinky Dog said, eyeing the box lying under the bed. Suddenly, Bambi's hand shot out the top of the box, popping the lid open. Bambi climbed out and crawled out from under the bed.

"That little asshole!" Bambi spat, standing up.

"It's ok," Woody said, walking over. "Andy only likes the _cool _toys."

"What's going on...?" Bo Peep called from the hallway, peeking in.

"None of your business, slut!" Bambi yelled, running after her.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Bo Peep screamed, turning to run as fast as he skinny little legs could run. She accidentally tripped and landed a faceplant on the floor, chipping her nose off. Blood started gushing out. "OW! MY NOSE!" She screamed as Bambi ran over to her. He quickly picked her up, tossing her down the flight of stairs. He laughed as her body flew through the air.

"OH MY GOOOOODDDD!" She screamed before hitting the floor at the bottom and smashing into a billion pieces. Molly and Mrs. Davis were just walking over when a glass shard flew into Molly's eye. She screamed and flew backwards, hitting her head into the wall.

"BO PEEEEEEEP!" Woody exclaimed, running over. "NOOOO!!"

All the toys looked over at Bambi, horrified. He was a murderer!

"I'm glad that sluts out of the picture," Bambi smiled as Mrs. Davis was heard screaming her head off at the bottom of the stairs.

"ANDREW! WHAT THE HELL! THIS WAS A PRICELESS PORCELAIN FIGURE YOU ASSWIPE!"

"SHE WAS ONLY 7.99 AT THE THRIFT STORE, BITCH!" Andy screamed.

"YOU CAN GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"FINE! I WILL!"

"WAIT UNTIL I TELL YOUR FATHER!!"

"GO AHEAD!!" Andy screamed, purposely stomping on one of Bo Peep's pieces, shattering it into more. He began to quickly stomp up the stairs. Everyone ran into their places as fast as they could. Bambi, however, climbed up onto Andy's bed and sat down, smiling and staring towards the door. Andy walked in and jumped.

"How'd you get up there?" He asked. Bambi remained silent. Andy shrugged and picked up Bambi, quickly shoving him under the bed.

"Oh, Buzz," Andy said, picking up Buzz. "I can't believe Bo Peep's gone...I wonder what happened..." He pressed one of Buzz's spacesuit buttons.

"Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!" Buzz called.

The toys all silently looked towards Bambi, who could be seen grinning under the darkness of the bed. They had some real trouble on their hands now.


	3. Asking For Help

A few hours later, Andy left the room to go get some toys from downstairs. Woody immediatley sprang to action.

"Alright, everyone, let's go get rid of Bambi."

"But how?" Rex asked, buried in Andy's diareah-stained underwear.

"Yeah, how, Woody?" Mr. Potato Head asked from under Mrs. Davis's sweaty bras.

"I'd like to know, as well," Hamm asked from under Mr. Davis's sweaty socks.

"Well...we could push him out a window!" Woody suggested as the toys ripped the clothes off of themselves.

"Nah, that didn't work with me, remember?" Buzz asked.

"Hmm...What other options are there?"

"This might sound crazy," Slinky-Dog spoke up, waddling over.

"Well, tell us," Woody sighed, sitting down on a block.

"Well," Slinky began. "Why don't we find the one person who knows how to handle destroying toys?"

"You don't mean..." Rex started.

"Yes!" Woody jumped up. "Sid!"

"That little piece of crap? Puh-lease. How are we going to get him to help us?" Mr. Potato Head asked, rolling his eyes.

"Well...me and some of the mutant toys kind've told him we were alive..." Woody said meekly. "So he already knows, and we'll force him to help us!" Woody looked around at the other toys.

"I'm in!" Buzz said, stepping over.

"Count me in, too!" Slinky-Dog said, smiling.

"What choice do I have?" Mr. Potato Head asked.

"Count me OUT," Hamm spoke up. "Andy just deposited 500 freaking quarters, I'm too fat to go on."

"I'll come!" Rex stated happily.

"Alright, let's go do some research!" Woody spoke above everyone else. "TO THE COMPUTER ROOM!"

A few seconds later the toys made their way down the dark hall and into the Davis's computer room. They peeked inside, and Buster was asleep in the waste basket. The toys climbed up onto the computer desk and started Windows.

"Wow, everything is so futuristic!" Rex said, astounded.

"Yeah, no crap," Mr. Potato Head rolled his eyes. "IT'S THE YEAR-"

"Hey, look!" Woody said as an envelope popped up on the screen. Buzz double clicked on it with the mouse and a message opened up.

"Hey, sexy baby, I had a lot of fun last night, and luckily my mother didn't come home nd catch me like last time! LOL!!1 Ok, so...I was wondering if you wanted your money in cash or check, and also, I was wondering if maybe you had a little Baby George inside you? lol jk. but not really!!1

Love,

GEORGIE!

g2g my moms coming i dont want her to see this!!! LOL bye i love u!"

All the toy's eyes widened and they looked at eachother.

"I knew it all along..." Mr. Potato Head whispered. "ANDY'S MOM IS A HOOKER!!"

"Shush!" Woody slapped Mr. Potato Head with a pencil, and Mr. Potato Head's hat flew off. Buster grabbed it in his mouth quickly.

"Hey, come back here!" The spud screamed, jumping down and chasing after Buster.

"Alright..." Woody said.

"Well, now what?" Rex asked.

"THIS!" Buzz opened up Internet Explorer and typed in Google.

"'GOO-GULL'?" Rex asked, perplexed.

"I think it's some kind of baby food company," Slinky-Dog said.

"No, you idiots! It's a search engine," Woody said matter-of-factly.

"Ooh. Cool!" Both Rex and Slinky said together. Woody rolled his eyes as he shoved Buzz away from the keyboard. He speedily typed in "Sid Phillips," and clicked search. 745,256,831 results came up.

"Alright, what's the first one say?" Buzz asked.

"Sid... Phillips batteries were used... Phillips brand..." Woody read. "Not what we're looking for."

"Let's narrow it down," Buzz suggested. Woody typed in, "Sid Phillips Crazy Toys," and 45,647 results came up.

"Let's get to readin'," Slinky-dog said. After about a half hour of sifting through all the results, they came upon an article.

"OOH, CLICK IT!" Rex exclaimed, quickly hitting the mouse button and opening up a new page. Buzz began reading out loud.

"Local boy, Sid Phillips, aged 10 and three months, has recently made a shocking discovery." There was a small picture of Sid Phillips cowering in the corner of a room with microphones all pointing at him. "He seems to believe the fantasy idea of toys really being alive, and his parents are quite concered. "Just yesterday I was makin' my baby some pop-tarts, now he won't even look at a little toy," Mrs. Phillips burst into tears into Mr. Phillips shoulder. Mr. Phillips was wasted, so we won't get into what he said."

"Hmm..." Woody said, deep in thought. "This still doesn't tell us how to find him..."

"Well, wouldn't he be in his twenties now?" Slink spoke up. He quickly went back to google and typed in "Sid Phillips Crazy Toys 20" And some results came up. One of the firsts said "Local Sid Phillips, ex-toy crazed boy, resides at 568 Laking Street, with his wife and family. He is now the manager of local Sid's Toy Barn."

Woody quickly wrote some notes down and turned to the group. "We've got out information, now let's roll!"

The toys quickly scurried into the garage and into Mrs. Davis's mini-van, leaving Mr. Potato Head behind. They pressed the automatic garage door opener, and, working together, pulled out into the street and began driving.

"I'd say it's about 20-40 minutes until we get to Sid's house," Woody estimated, studying the environment as they sped into traffic. An elderly woman was just pulling around a corner when the doors, driving on the wrong side of the street and going way over the limit, crashed into her. The old woman was senting flying backwards and crashed through her back window, and skidded along the concrete road, dead. The toys laughed like assholes and high-fived one another. they kept speeding, and ran over a little girl riding her pink tricycle. The little girl got caught on the tire and stuck to it as they sped around town. Eventually her body flew off and landed into a pool at some kid's birthday party, the water turning red. Some little while later, they came to a halt in front of Sid's former childhood home.

"It's still a piece of crap like before," The toys said. They all climbed out and walked up to his front door. They knocked on the door and waited for it to open. A little boy, about 5 years-old, opened the door. He looked like a cleaned up version of younger Sid, without braces and an innocent look. He had his thumb in his mouth and he looked down at the toys. "Yay!" He said happily, picking the toys up and bringing them inside. He ran upstairs and into his parent's bedroom, where Sid was asleep on his bed, snoring loudly.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Sid woke up. "Daddy, look!" He showed off his new toys. Sid gasped and snatched them from his son.

"Where did you get these, Adam?" Sid asked, eyeing the lifeless toys, then his little son.

"Front porch!"

"Daddy's going to inspect them, run along and go play with your other toys," Sid said kindly, patting his son on the head and shooing him out. As soon as Adam was gone, Sid slammed the door, throwing the toys on the bed.

Woody was already standing up. Sid and Woody stared deep into eachother's eyes, and began walking around in a cicle, staying opposite from eachother.

"Sid."

"Woody."

"how'd you know my name?"

"Internet."

"Alright," Buzz spoke up. "I know you two have had some problems in the past-"

"Shut up, Buzz! This little asshole screwed up my whole childhood! I had a crappy home life, living off of Pop-tarts and Frootloops!The one thing that brought me joy was killing toys, AND THIS LITTLE ASSHOLE RUINED IT FOR ME! Are you happy? Stupid cowboy."

"Err..yes," Woody laughed. Sid quickly grabbed Woody and held him up to his face.

"Mind saying that again, asshole?" Sid threatened. After a few seconds of silence, Sid violently shook Woody. "WELL?"

"Sid, what the hell are you doing?" Mrs. Phillips asked, staring at her husband from the doorway.

"Oh!" Sid stuttered, staring at his wife then at Woody. "Mary! What're you doing here?"

Adam ran over. "Aunt Hannah's here!"

"Oh, great," Sid rolled his eyes, throwing Woody on the bed. He followed his family out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

"Now we'll never get him to help us, thanks to YOU!" Buzz spat, pointing at Woody. The door creeked open, and another little boy stared into the room. He looked like Adam, but with a few minor differences, and looked to be 8 or 9 years-old. The toys froze and he walked over to him.

"These are the wimpy toys Adam was talking about? Wow," He picked up Woody. "These are so stupid...perfect for blowing up!" He laughed as he left the room, holding Woody.

"I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..." Buzz mumbled. He sighed and stood up. "Time to issue a rescue mission."


	4. 3 Gone

"That little bitch," Malibu Rachel brushed some dirt off of her shoulder and walked away from Molly's closet.

"HEY! LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU SKANK!!" Jessie screamed from the closet, banging on the doors.

"Shut the hell up," Malibu Rachel laughed, pushing Molly's rocking horse against the door and walking away, shaking her head.

Meanwhile, at the Phillips residence, Sid's son was out back. Woody was taped to an explosive rocket.

"Woody!" Buzz called, stepping outside with the others.

"Buzz! Help me!" Woody pleaded as Sid's son walked over.

Buzz and the others dropped down, lifeless.

"Where the hell did these things come from?" Sid's son questioned. "Oh well." He quickly spun around and lit Woody's rocket.

"SHIT!" Woody screamed, and Sid's son screamed and ran away.

"Woody!" Buzz called.

"Nice plan, you friggen asswipe!!" Woody screamed seconds before the rocket flew off into the sky. "HOLY CRAP!!!!" Woody screamed like a girl before the rocket exploded. The other toys gasped and Woody's head flew into the ground. It spit out dirt and looked around.

"Aw, CRAP! I don't have a body! You will NOT hear the end of this, mister!" Woody rolled over towards Buzz. "Do you realize what you've done? MY BODYS EXPLODED! IM NOTHING BUT A HEAD NOW!! Hey - HEY! What're you doing?"

Buzz silently picked up Woody and punted his head into the neighbor's yard.

"Would you like more tea, Ms. Spider?" A little girl with blonde curly ques asked the dolls at her tea party. "Mumsy let me use REAL tea today, ladies!" She picked up a plastic tea cup full of tea. "Cheers!" Suddenly, a butt-ugly doll's head splashed into her cup. She screamed and hot tea flew into her eyes.

"Alright, now what?" Slink asked as Sid came outside.

"Sid!" Buzz called, running over.

"Oh, I see you have some more grass growing," Hannah was heard saying as she stepped outside. All the toys dropped into their lifeless states, Buzz falling onto his back.

"Oh, mommy!" A little girl ran over to the toys. "Can I have these?"

"Sure thing," Sid laughed, grinning.

"DAMN IT," Buzz thought as he was picked up. Oh how he wanted to piss right into that girl's mouth. But he kept his cool. An hour later the toys were in Hannah's car on their way to Hannah's house.

"Mommy?" The girl asked.

"What is it, Jane?" Hannah asked as she pulled out a joint and started smoking it as she ran over an old lady.

"I love you."

"Oh, shut the hell up!" Hannah spat pulling into their driveway. "GET INSIDE! MOVE, MOVE!"

Jane happily skipped inside and threw her toys into her room.

"JANE!" Hannah called. "Come wipe mommy's butt, my hands are full!"

"COMING!" Jane screamed, running out.

"Now what?" Rex asked when she left.

"I say we make a run for it!" Slinky said quickly as the door slammed closed. The toys gasped as Bambi lunged at them, weilding a knife.

"HOLY SHIT!!" Rex screamed, crapping all over Jane's carpetting.

"Nice going!" Slink spat. Suddenly, Bambi began laughing and stabbed Slinky dog in the eye. Slinky screamed but his other eye was viciously ripped out by Bambi's other hand, then he was kicked in the nuts, and Bambi viciously ripped his spring in half, carelessly tossing his body parts into Jane's underwear pile.

"Oh, shit!" Buzz mumbled, and made a run for the door as Jane burst in. She stepped on Buzz and laughed.

"Ouch! I think I dislocated my toes!" She laughed, her toes crooked. Suddenly, Bambi jumped onto her and stabbed her in the chest.

"OW! MY BOOB!" She screamed dramatically.

"Shut the hell up, you're as flat as the road outside!"

"How insulting!" Jane yelled, then screamed, realizing there was a murderous toy on her. "GET OFF! MOMMY!" Jane screamed, but Bambi stabbed her throat with his knife, and dragged her body into her closet. He pushed her inside and blocked the door with a chair. He laughed as Buzz and Rex escaped.

Later that night, the two returned home.

"Now what do we do??" Rex asked as they snuck past Mrs. Davis. She was up watching reruns of the Rosie O'Donnell show.

"I say we don't mention a THING."

"Won't they notice we don't have Woody or Slinky Dog?"

"Well we'll just say they got married and ran off to Los Angelas."

"Works for me."

"Good. Now shut up! Mrs. Davis is right there!"

Mrs. Davis started stripping and making out with the TV. The toys scurried up the stairs and into Andy's room. Andy was asleep, snoozing peacefully.

"Aww..." Malibu Rachel whispered. "Ain't he a cutie?"

"You think EVERYONE'S a cutie, Rachel!" Buzz sighed.

"No I don't!" She insisted. "I, personally, thought Bo Peep was a fat, ugly, slut bag." She giggled and then continued. "And I thought Jessie was an over-energetic BITCH. So I locked her in the closet."

"You what?!" Buzz screamed, slapping Rachel across the face. "That's my girlfriend, man!"

"I AINT NO MAN!" She forcefully kicked Buzz's balls with her pointy-toed high-heel and stormed off.

"Women," Rex sighed, falling into position under Andy's bed. "Good night."

Buzz was knelt over on the floor, half-dead.


	5. Burn Baby Burn

"Alright, who the hell put all this crap all over the wall!?!?" Andy screamed, playing as Malibu Rachel. Malibu Rachel and Buzz were married, and had lots of kids; Mr. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Rex, a Barbie, a sock, and a penny.

"This game sucks balls," Barbie thought as Andy threw her across the room. She was grounded for having unprotected sex with her boyfriend, Brad.

"Andy, sweet heart?" Mrs. Davis called up the stairs. "HEY, KID!!"

Andy, startled, farted, and crapped himself. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!?" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Get your white ass down here, your chicken pot pies ready!!"

"I ASKED YOU FOR MAC AND CHEESE, DAMN IT!!"

"MAC AND CHEESE, CHICKEN POT PIE, WHAT THE HELL IS THE DIFFERENCE?! YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT!!" Mrs. Davis started stomping up the stairs.

"CRAP!" Andy screamed, running into the bathroom and locking himself inside. Mrs. Davis started banging on the door. "LET ME IN, YOU BRAT!!"

"Wow, SOME people need anger management!" Rex whispered.

"I know! What a bitch!" Rachel said, sitting up and shaking her head. Buzz looked towards the window.

"Guys...we have to stop him."

"Who!?" Rachel ran over to Buzz and hugged him. "Tell me, baby."

"Bambi."

"You mean _me_?" A voice spoke from the closet. The closet door slid open and Bambi stepped out.

"AHAHAHA!!" A toy soldier laughed, pointing at Bambi. "BAMBI CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET!!"

Bambi smirked as the other toys cracked up. He pulled out a revolver he found in Mrs. Davis's panties drawer and shot at the army man. His whole head was chipped off. His headless body ran around and Bambi walked towards it. He tripped it, and laughed, stomping on it with a great deal of force. He ran out of the room and the other toys screamed in horror.

"What the hell do we do!?" Rex whined, peeing.

"I say we-" Buzz began, but Mrs. Davis walked in. The toys dropped down, lifeless.

"What the hell!? ANDREW!!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PICK YOUR DAMN TOYS UP! YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! WHERE'S YOUR FATHERS BELT!?" She stormed out, farting loudly.

The toys coughed, sitting up.

"What the hell did she eat, an extra large bean burrito?" Mr. Potato Head asked, fanning the air by his nose, coughing. Mrs. Potato Head gagged and threw up into Buzz's mouth as he started to talk. Buzz then threw up all over Andy's hardwood flooring as Bambi ran in. He was carrying a small jug, and a box of matches.

"What's that!?" Rachel asked, backing up.

"Some supplies," Bambi stated as he sprinkled a strange liquid around Andy's bedroom.

"Hey, that kind of smells like gasoline!" Mrs. Potato Head said, alarmed.

"You're a smart one," Bambi laughed, tossing the glass jug at her. She fumbled with it in her hands before dropping it, and the glass shattered everywhere. Molly came crawling in just as a glass shard flew into her eye. She screamed and flew backwards, rolling down the stairs. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. Bambi laughed hysterically as he lit a match.

"No, no!" Buzz pleaded. "Don't do it!" Bambi ran for the door, tossing the match behind him, laughing. Andy's bedroom went up in flames, and the toys all made a mad dash for the door. Some of the army men melted and died, but Buzz, Rex, Malibu Rachel, and various others, grabbed a skateboard and rolled their way to safety. They rolled into the hall just as Mrs. Davis came to the top of the stairs, carrying Molly. They crashed into Andy's mother's legs, and Mrs. Davis stumbled, dropping Molly down the stairs. THUMP THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

"DAMN IT!" Mrs. Davis screamed, then noticed Andy's bedroom door was on fire. "What the hell?" She opened the door and screamed as she watched toys on fire do a graceful ballet across the room. "OH MY GOD!" She slammed the door and ran down to the basement. She returned a moment later with an axe, and broke the bathroom door down. Andy was peeing on the wall when his mother grabbed him.

"ZIPPER UP, HONEY! WE GOTTA GO!!" She dragged his son into her mini-van as quick as possible and sped out into the street, speeding away from the house as it went up in flames. The toys all jumped out the window into the snow, landing safely on a fresh, piping hot pile of dog crap.

"Thank God for Buster!" Buzz said, brushing snow off of himself. Molly ran out the door, screaming. She ran around in circles, on fire, before falling to the ground, lifeless.

"Let's just pretend we didn't see that?" Rachel suggested. The toys agreed.

"NO!" Buzz suddenly cried. "JESSIE WAS IN THERE!!"

"Don't worry, space ranger," A familiar voice said from behind. "I'm still here!" The toys turned around and cried out in surprise. Jessie was standing there, smiling. They all hugged her, then let go, admiring her.

"How'd you do it?" Buzz asked, perplexed.

"Well," She began, then stopped, her eyes wide.

"What, what's wrong?" Buzz whipped around, half-expecting Bambi to be standing there with a sythe, ready to chop his balls off. But Rex was standing there, eating Buster's poop. "Jessie, what is it?" He asked, facing her. Blood trickled out of her half-opened mouth, then she fell face-first into the snow. The toys screamed, seeing a knife was jabbed in her back. Bambi drove around from the corner of the house, riding on the ridable lawn mower. He began laughing as he pissed in the snow as he drove. He zippered up and drove after the scared toys.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Mr. Potato Head screamed.

"MASHED TATORS ANYONE!?" Bambi screamed, speeding up and running over Mr. Potato Head. His plastic parts were spewed out into the snow, half of them twitching.

"NOOO!" Mrs. Potato Head screamed, crying.

"Come on!" Buzz dragged Mrs. Potato Head away from the speedy lawn mower. Bambi set the lawn mower onto automatic, and set the course for straight into the road. He saluted the toys, and hopped off, jumping into a large, snow-covered bush. The lawn mower sped into the street as two cars, coming from two opposite lanes, cruised down the road. They swerved around on the black ice, trying to avoid the lawn mower, and all three collided with a large boom, both families in the cars dying.

"Oh my God!" The elderly woman across the street screamed, and rushed into the street, slid on the black ice, and flew into the lopsided lawn mower. A few minutes later, elderly lady flesh was sprinkled in the streets.

"Wow, that's disgusting," Rachel shrugged. She turned around. "Now what?" Half the toys were gagging.

"We find Bambi before he takes out the whole city!" Buzz said after throwing up in Rex's face. Rex then threw up in Mrs. Potato Head's mouth as she coughed, and she crapped all over a LEGO Figure. The LEGO Figure then ate the steaming hot crap off of himself.

"Yummy!" He exclaimed, and the other toys started gagging all over again.

"Right, like I said," Buzz said after the gagging cycle had finally ended. "We find Bambi before he kills everyone in town."

"Oh boy! An adventure!" Rachel said enthusiastically. She ran over and hugged Buzz. "Let's get this thing a-started!"


	6. Grand Theft Auto

"Alright, where could he have gotten to?" Buzz asked, looking around Andy's front yard.

"I don't know, but this crap is DELICIOUS!" Rex said, shoving a handful of poop into his mouth.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Mrs. Potatohead slapped Rex's ass with her hand.

"Hey, no need to be a bitch just cause your hubby's dead! He was as ugly as your mother, anyways," Malibu Rachel said, grinning.

"You did NOT just insult my mother!!" Mrs. Potatohead growled. "You slut bag!"

"You whore!"

"You bitch!"

"**_LOSERSAYSWHAT!_**"

"..What?" Mrs. Potatohead asked, confused.

"Haha! I said 'Loser says what' really fast, and you said what, loser."

"THAT DOES IT! Me and my kids are leaving! We hate living here anyway, we never get any sleep! All night long we hear Mrs. Davis having sex with a different man every night!" Mrs. Potatohead grabbed her alien children and stormed off.

"Glad that fat ass is gone!" Rachel said after a few minutes.

"That fight was totally unnecessary," Buzz said quietly.

"Guys!!" An army man said. "Forget that asswipe, let's find Bambi!"

"Oh yeah," Buzz said.

"Guys, look!" A LEGO man said. "Bambi left us a note!"

Everybody ran over to where the LEGO man stood and read the note encarved in the snow with piss.

"SCREW YOU."

"What a lovely message," Buzz rolled his eyes. "Ok, anybody know how to hot-wire a car?"

"I DO!!" Sarge, the head of the army men, said.

"Alright, let's go take the Anderson's Hummer," Buzz suggested. The toys agreed and ran down the street to the Anderson's house.

"The garage door is locked, sir," The army men reported.

"Looks like we'll have to get into the garage through the house."

"But how?" Rex asked.

"RING THE DOORBELL!" Buzz commanded. Everybody stood staring at him. Rex quietly farted.

"Umm...we're too SHORT," Rachel said, knocking on Buzz's skull. "Helloooo? Look how high up that thing is!"

"BE RIGHT BACK, HONEY, I'M GOING TO GET THE MAIL!" A voice called from inside.

"Quick, everyone hide in the bushes!" Buzz commanded. The toys all jumped into a nearby thorn bush.

"Son of a bitch! There's a thorn up my ass!"

"At least you don't have a thorn stabbing your-"

"QUIET GUYS!" Buzz shushed them as the front door creaked open. A balding, fat guy waddled out, farting with each step. He slipped and fell over.

"Whoooaaa," Malibu Rachel said, "EARTHQUAKE!!"

The toys giggled.

"Have a nice trip, see you next fall!" Rex cackled.

"That sucked," A toy muttered. Rex began crying, and started crapping uncontrollably.

"Ok, quick, he left the front door open! Get inside, quick!!" Buzz hissed. The toys all ran into the house, laughing hysterically. Malibu Rachel slammed the door shut, and it locked automatically. A few minutes later, Mr. Anderson started pounding on the front door.

"WILMA!!! WILMA!!!" He cried, beating the door.

"What do you want, I'm busy," A woman's voice called from the bathroom. The toys peeked inside and saw Mrs. Anderson light a joint. They quickly ran past the door, undetected.

"Alright, now where's the garage?" A Barbie asked.

"So then I was like, totally! And then she was like, um, like, no, like, way! Like, I, like, know!" A teenage girl's voice spoke from the nearby kitchen. She walked over, on her cell phone. The toys froze. She accidentally stepped on an army man, crushing him.

"Oh God..." Buzz thought.

"OW! What the hell!" The girl screamed. "JEREMY!! GET DOWN HERE AND PICK UP YOUR DAMN TOYS! Sorry, Natasha, I was just talking to my asshole of a brother. So, like, anyway!" She walked away. Before the toys could run for cover a chubby little boy waddled over. "These aren't my toys?" He said.

"Good going, Einstein!!" Malibu Rachel thought. The boy scooped them all up and carried them upstairs.

"Hey man..." The boy's older brother called from the room. "Where's the goods?"

"Greg, say no to drugs! We've had this discussion before."

"Hahahaha! You look like a WOMAN!"

The boy felt insulted and threw a Barbie at his older brother. Greg caught it in his mouth and laughed, sucking on the doll's head.

"**OH MY GOD!!!!!**" The Barbie screamed, thrashing her legs and arms wildly. The little boy had left, and, seeing as Greg was on drugs, nobody would believe him anyway.

The younger boy threw the toys into the corner and left to go eat a Twinky.

"Ok..." Buzz sat up. "TO THE GARAGE!" The toys all grabbed a skateboard and rolled down the stairs, sped past the boy, who was stuffing his face with muffins, and went into the living room. The door leading to the garage door was cracked open. The toys scurried inside, and Sarge hot-wired the car. The toys all buckled up, and Buzz floored it through the wall and drove through the house, through another wall, and out onto the streets.

"Honey, did you say something!?" Mrs. Anderson called from the potty room.

* * *

"Oh boy! We're on a manhunt!" Rachel smiled. "This is so fun! WOOHOO!" 

"This isn't a game, you know," Buzz said in all seriousness. "Oh, God, REX!! DID YOU CUT THE CHEESE??"

"NO!"

"I will turn this car around mister!!"

"Ok, I admit, I might've sharted."

"Sharted?" An army man asked.

"Going to fart, and then shitting," Malibu Rachel said matter-of-factly.

"...**EW!!**" All the toys screamed. Buzz rolled his eyes. "There's some baby wipes in the glove department, use those to clean it up!"

"_Are we there yet?_ **Are we there yet?** Are we there yet?" A bunch of toys called annoyingly, giggling as they did so.

Buzz sighed. "It's going to be one hell of a car ride..."


	7. Malibu Rachel's Rescue Mission

"I feel car sick," Rex screamed.

"Open your window then or something, I don't know," Buzz rolled his eyes.

"OK!" Rex opened his window and flew out.

"IDIOT!" Malibu Rachel shook her head as Buzz stopped the car and Rex climbed in.

"Ow, I think I broke my head," Rex scratched his plastic dino-head.

Everybody rolled their eyes and Buzz continued driving.

"So where are we going, anyway?" Malibu Rachel asked, filing her nails.

"We're looking for Bambi..."

"DUHH!!" Rex giggled, farting.

"Ew, that smells like rotten eggs," A Barbie doll fanned the air by her nose.

"I think it smells like poopy!" Hamm gagged.

"Why don't we make a pit stop?" Malibu Rachel asked, hopping onto the seat next to Buzz and rubbing his butt. Buzz got excited and accidentally pooped himself. As Malibu Rachel rubbed his butt she felt a sudden soft, hot, and squishy lump appear.

"WHAT THE?"

"EW! HE POOPED!" An army man said.

The toys pulled over to a disgusting looking Dinoco gas station, parking crookedly by the little convenience store. "Be right back! I have to use the bathroom!" Buzz called.

"I'LL SAY," Malibu Rachel gagged.

Buzz hopped out of the car and ran into the shop, the doors automatically opening.

"I just have to make my way through here undetected..." He muttered, and quickly hid behind a bag of Cheetohs as a person walked by.

"That was close!" He thought, and suddenly, the Cheetohs bag was lifted up by a little boy. Buzz froze and the boy spotted him. "COOL! A BUZZ LIGHTYEAR ACTION FIGURE!" He looked around, grabbed Buzz, and stuffed him inside his pants.

"I think I'm going to throw up..." Buzz squeaked.

"Ok, mommy, I got the Cheetohs!"

"BILLY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU WE'RE NOT GETTING THOSE DAMN CHEETOHS! THEY MAKE PEOPLE FAT!! DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A FAT LAZY ASSHOLE LIKE YOUR FATHER IS WHO JUST SITS ON HIS ARMCHAIR ALL DAY, SOAKING IN HIS B.O. BECAUSE HE'S TOO LAZY AND DISGUSTING TO USE THE DEODERANT HIS LOVING, CARING, HARD-WORKING WIFE BOUGHT HIM IN HER 24 MINUTES OF SPARE TIME CAUSE SHE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR DAMN UGLY ASS CHILD WHO EATS CHEETOHS AND COOKIES AND SAUSAGES ALL DAY AND IS FAT AND SMELLS LIKE BARF!!"

"Ok, mommy!" Billy smiled, skipping away and returning the Cheetohs.

The two bought the cigarettes his mother had come in for and they hurried out to their small car.

Buzz's hand poked out from the boy's pants and began waving franitcally.

"Hey, isn't that Buzz's hand?" Hamm asked, watching the child walk past from the hummer's tinted windows.

"Yes," Malibu Rachel said, getting in the driver's seat.

"Well what do we do!?" A Barbie asked.

"We could get some nachos," A teddy bear suggested. Everybody agreed.

"No!" Malibu Rachel screeched. "We're saving BUZZ!"

"Somebody's got a crush!" An army man laughed. Malibu Rachel turned the car's heat onto maximum, grabbed the army man, and shoved him inside a heating duct, quickly locking him inside. The boy and his mother pulled out of their parking space and drove out onto the street. Malibu Rachel quickly began driving after them.

"OH MY GOD!!" The army man screamed bloody murder inside the heater. "I'm MELTING!!"

"Oh my God, will you SHUT THE HELL UP?" Rachel screamed. "Let's listen to some tunes!"

"NOBODY'S PERFECT! I'VE GOTTA WORK IT! AGAIN AND AGAIN TILL I GET IT RIGHT!"

"...Rex, I didn't even turn the radio on yet, why are you singing?" Malibu Rachel asked.

"I don't know," Rex laughed and began tap dancing.

"IT BURNS!! IT BURNS!!" The army man cried.

"Alright, alright, shut your green ass up!" Malibu Rachel quickly turned the heater off, and turned the air conditioning onto maximum.

"HELP ME!!" The army man screamed. "AHHHHHH!!"

After about 5 minutes, Malibu Rachel finally let him out. The army man now had a tint of blue to his green-ness, and most of his body was melted, then frozen.

"I look STUPID!" The army man cried. "Nobody will want to be friends with ME!"

"It's ok! You still have ME as a friend!" Rex laughed. The army man quickly turned the heater onto maximum and locked himself inside, dieing.

The toys came to a red light, and pulled up next to the boy and his mother. As soon as the light turned green, Malibu Rachel quickly steered the car to the right, causing them to bump into the woman's car. She held up the middle finger and returned the favor by steering into the hummer and grinding the car against them.

"Oh, that bitch!!" Malibu Rachel screamed, and quickly put the pedal to the metal, speeding up. The woman sped up, too, and they began racing down the street.

A red kickball bounced into the middle of the street, and a little girl and a little boy skipped out into the road.

"Wow, today is so fun!" The little girl laughed, skipping.

"I know! It's so nice out! I don't want this day to ever end!"

Suddenly, the two speeding cars ran them over, and their blood and guts flew all over the windows.

Malibu Rachel quickly turned her windshield wipers on, laughing. That is, until she saw the tree right in their path and they crashed into it. The toys all went flying forward, screaming their heads off as the windows around them shattered.

The woman pointed and laughed her head off, nearly crying. That is, until she drove off a bridge and plunged into the river.

Buzz quickly swam out of the boy's pants, and swam away to saftey as the mother and son struggled to unbuckle themselves and save themselves. Buzz got to the top of the water, gasping for air, and swam to the shore. He climbed out, shivering, and quickly ran up the hill and onto the street. He quickly met up with the toys as they hopped out of the hummer.

"Is everybody alright?" Malibu Rachel asked.

"Well, apparently," Sarge said. "We just managed to kill four people."

"Who cares, they probably smelled, anyway," Malibu Rachel rolled her eyes.

There was sudden clapping behind them, and the toys turned around and screamed. Bambi was standing in the middle of the street, clapping and laughing.

"It's Bambi!" Rex said.

"No CRAP!" Everybody screamed.

"I'm so proud of myself," Bambi began.

"Why?" Buzz asked, sneering.

"I managed to get you to kill four whole people!"

"What are you talking about?" Buzz asked. "You didn't make us kill them!"

"ON THE CONTRARY!" Bambi screamed. "In your quest to find ME, you ended up killing four people! You wouldn't of have killed them if it weren't for ME!" He began cackling and belly dancing in the road.

"Alright, on three, let's get him!" Buzz whispered. The toys nodded in agreement.

"One...two..." Buzz began.

"THREE!" A teddy bear screamed, and ran out into the road, doing a warrior call. Bambi did a backflip out of the road just as a speeding 12-wheeler sped by, running the bear over, crushing him completely and causing stuffing to pop out.

"That idiot!" Rachel screamed, and all of the toys charged after Bambi. Bambi giggled and disappeared into the forest ahead of them.

"Alright, let's split up!" Buzz said and all of the toys split up around the dark forest. After a few minutes, Buzz bumped into a lump on the forest floor.

"BAMBI!!" He yelled, jumping back.

"WHAT!?" The lump screamed. "WHERE!?"

"Mrs. Potato Head...?" Buzz asked. "Is that you??"

"Well it sure as hell ain't Santa Claus!" She snapped, sitting up and wiping poop off of herself.

"Mrs. P! What are you doing out here??"

"Me and my children now live out here in the wilderness, living off of leaves and poop..."

"Leaves and poop?"

"Do you expect us to eat BUGS!? No way! What the hell do you think this is? _LION KING_?"

"Uhh-"

"No! THIS IS A TOY STORY STORY! LOOK UP! IT SAYS SO!!"

"Alright, alright, I GET IT! SHEESH! JUST SHUT UP!"

"IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT A LADY?"

"YOU'RE NOT A LADY!! YOU'RE A FREAKING PLASTIC POTATO!! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP AND HELP US LOOK FOR BAMBI!!"

"Oh no!" Mrs. Potato Head gasped. "WHERE ARE MY BABIES??"

"You're babies are with ME!" Bambi's voice called from high above in the branches of the tall trees.

"Can I have them back?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

"GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN BABIES!!"

"Ok."

"Thank you!"

"Just kidding!"

"I HATE YOU."

"Guys!!" Buzz interrupted. "Shut UP! This bickering is getting on my last NERVE!!"

"Make him give me my babies back!!" Mrs. Potato Head whined.

"Your babies are safe and sound," Bambi reassured, still hidden high above. "I just have them strapped to some dynamite I found at a nearby construction site. They're hidden up here in the canopy, and the dynomite is set to explode in 5 minutes. GOOD LUCK!!" Bambi cackled, and his voice faded away.

"NOT MY BABIES!!" Mrs. Potato Head screamed, bawling.

"Don't worry!" Buzz said. "We'll save your babies! ...I hope..."


	8. Construction Site Battle

"SAVE MY BABIES!!" Mrs. Potato Head screeched into Buzz's ear.

"ALRIGHT, SHUT THE HELL UP! IM TRYING TO THINK!!"

"Oh, right sorry."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

"Ok."

"Alright."

"Cool."

"Yep."

"Uh-huh."

"SAVE MY BABIES!!" She screamed again.

Buzz rolled his eyes. "I think I have an idea. Help me look for a large rock!"

"Are you kidding me?" Mrs. Potato Head asked. "No way, Jose! I hate rocks."

"...Why??" Buzz questioned.

"They ugly."

"'They Ugly'?" Buzz asked.

"IS THERE AN ECHO IN THESE WOODS!?" Mrs. Potato Head screamed. "I HATE ROCKS. ROCKS ARE UGLY AND STUPID AND FAT. LIKE YOU!!"

"Hold it right there, Potato Lady! Now that was just uncalled for!"

"I don't give a crap, I just want my babies back!" Mrs. Potato Head broke down and began crying.

Suddenly, there came some ruffling in a nearby bush. Buzz turned his head and stared at the bush as it shook for a minute straight.

"Um...hello?" He asked the bush.

"Hi," replied the bush.

"Who's in there?"

"In where?"

"In the bush!"

"What bush?"

"The one I'm talking to!!" Buzz said, getting agitated.

"You're talking to a bush??"

Buzz slapped his forehead and Rex stepped out of the bush.

"Sorry, I had to take a stinky!" Rex giggled and started breakdancing in some leaves.

"You lookin' sexy," Mrs. Potato Head winked at Rex. Rex got so excited that he started pooping himself as he spun around in the leaves and chunks of poop flew everywhere.

"Ew, gross!" Buzz shielded his face.

"YUM!!" Mrs. Potato Head grabbed a piece of the crap and stuffed it into her mouth. Then she ran off to go throw up.

"...Idiot..." Buzz sighed, then turned to Rex. "Rex! Help me find a big rock!"

"ROCKS!? WHERE!! I HAVE A MAJOR PHOBIA OF ROCKS!! THEY'RE PLOTTING TO KILL US ALL!"

"No, Rex, you're thinking of Bambi. Now quit acting silly and c'mon!" So the two toys searched for a large rock.

"Is this big enough?" Rex asked, holding up a pebble.

"Umm...no."

"How about this?"

"No, Rex, not that either."

"How about this!?"

"That's not even a rock, dumbass! It's a piece of your crap!"

"Oh, right!" Rex said and quickly ate the poop in his hand.

"Found one!" Buzz said after a moment. He dragged the rock towards a tree. "Now all's I need is a plank or piece of wood..."

"How's this?" Rex asked, holding up a large plank of wood.

"Rex, where did you get that!" Buzz said astounded, and grabbed the plank.

"I don't know."

"Whatever, thanks!" Buzz positioned the plank onto the rock, creating a see-saw type of mechanism.

"Now Rex, how much do you weigh?"

"WAS THAT A FAT JOKE?" Rex began crying and started coughing uncontrollably.

"REX!" Buzz screamed. "JUST JUMP ONTO THE PLANK WHEN I SAY GO!" Buzz quickly stood on one end of the piece of wood and said, "GO!"

Rex did a frontflip onto the oposite end of the wood and Buzz went soaring up. He grabbed onto a tree's branch and swung himself around and soared higher. He repeated this a few times and eventually ended up near the top.

"Help us!" He heard some far off voices calling. Buzz began hopping from tree top to tree top, determined to save the alien babies.

"I'm coming!" Buzz called.

"Oh no you don't!" Bambi screamed, dropping down in front of Buzz. Bambi quickly grabbed a nearby branch and snapped it off from the tree. Before Buzz had time to react, Bambi powerfully swung the branch at Buzz and knocked him off the branch he was on.

"Haha, loser!" Bambi mocked. Buzz quickly grabbed onto a nearby branch and pulled himself up, rubbing his head. Just as he looked up he got smacked in the head with the branch, and he almost fell off again. Bambi took one last swing, but this time, Buzz grabbed the branch and stopped it, and quickly hit it out of Bambi's hands. Buzz then jumped up and climbed up onto a branch level with Bambi.

"You think you can save this babies?" Bambi asked, his twisted smile forming on his ugly face.

"I KNOW I can, damn it!" Buzz grunted.

"Well, if you can save them in 7.36 seconds, I'll believe you," Bambi grinned.

"Wha-?"

"HAHAHA!" Bambi laughed. "5! 4! 3!" He quickly counted down the remaining time. "2! 1!"

"OSHIIIIIIIIIT!" Buzz screamed as the nearby dynamite exploded. Buzz and Bambi were sent flying backwards through the trees. Bambi screamed like a girl, but stopped screaming when a sharp branch smacked him in his nuts. This didn't stop him from flying through the air, though. His balls merely chopped the branch off. Buzz's body spun around through the air as he flew, and he narrowly dodged many sticks and branches. Bambi then threw a punch at Buzz through the air, hitting him in the jaw. Buzz grew angry and grabbed a hold of Bambi. The two started having a fist fight right in the air and landed hard on a metal beam at the nearby construction site. They were 7 stories high on the building that was in the process of being built. All that was completed, though, was the structural layout of the building, which was all of the metal beams pieced together. There was a crack of thunder nearby, and it began to drizzle.

"YOU KILLED INNOCENT BABIES, YOU BASTARD!" Buzz screamed, grabbing Bambi by the neck and pinning him down hard against the beam, choking him. Then, with his free hand, he began to beat the crap out of him. Bambi merely chuckled as blood oozed from his lip and eye. Bambi then took his hands and wrapped them around Buzz's neck and squeezed as tight as he could. Buzz began choking, too, and wrapped both of his hands around Bambi's neck and did the same thing. The two stood up and choked eachother until a powerful gust of wind knocked Bambi off his feet. Buzz let go of Bambi as Bambi let go of him and nearly lost his balance. Bambi skillyfully did a backflip away from Buzz, and Buzz charged at him. Bambi bitch slapped Buzz across the face, and Buzz stumbled and slipped on the slippery metal. He fell off the metal beam, but quickly held on for his dear life with his hands. Bambi stepped over and it began to pour. A lightning bolt was seen the sky behind his head as Buzz stared up into his cold eyes.

"What's the matter, Buzz? Did you slip?" He asked, his voice sounding more deep and demonic than usual. He quickly raised one of his feet and stomped down on Buzz's hand. Buzz cried out in pain and his hand shot off from the beam. He was now holding on with one hand, and his hand was beginning to slip.

"Have a nice fall, Buzz," Bambi spoke. "You proved to be a some-what worthy opponent, but you were no match for my expertise!"

"I won't let you defeat me!" Buzz said through gritted teeth.

"Suuuure you won't," Bambi cackled, slowly raising his foot. "Any last words?"

"Yeah. GO TO HELL!"

Bambi began laughing. His foot began to lower itself toward's Buzz's hand, but suddenly a huge wrecking ball swung by and smashed right into the metal beam Buzz and Bambi were on, denting and splitting it in half. The beam shook and broke apart and Buzz's grip was lost and he flew down. Bambi slipped on the beam and fell onto his stomach. He tried crawling to safety as the beam began to bend downwards, creating a wet slope. The wrecking ball came flying back from where it came and directly hit Bambi.

"WHOOOAAA!!" Bambi screamed, getting senting flying away from the beam and falling at a high velocity towards the ground. Buzz had landed on the 6th floor, and had a splitting headache. He opened his eyes and slowly turned his aching head to his left and saw Bambi's body collide with the concrete ground. He looked over towards the wrecking ball machine.

"THIS IS FUN!" Rex giggled, playing around with the controls for the wrecking ball. The wrecking ball began swinging around crazily.

Bambi pushed himself up with his last bit of strength and coughed up some blood.

"You sick bastards..." He mumbled and stood up. He limped towards a pile of bricks and metal rods and grabbed one of the rods. He smacked it against the ground and cracked it. He broke it apart so it was more smaller and easier for him to carry and he started for the building. "HEY, LIGHTYEAR!" He called. "COME DOWN HERE!" Buzz sat up slowly and looked down to where Bambi was standing.

"This jerkoff's still alive?" Buzz thought. "No!" He called down shrilly.

"Get down here!" Bambi screamed. There was a sudden rumbling sound in the distance, and a bright light appeared in the nearby forest. The light and sound grew and grew, and Malibu Rachel sped onto the construction site on a motorcycle. She was heading straight for Bambi and picked up speed.

"Oh, give me a break!" Bambi screamed before he was run over. The metal rod he had in his head stabbed Malibu Rachel in the leg, and she and the motorcycle fell onto it's side, grinding across the concrete.

"RACHEL!" Buzz screamed, he quickly hopped down to the 5th floor, then 4th, 3rd, 2nd, 1st, and finally jumped onto the ground. He ran towards the motorcycle and Malibu Rachel poked her head out from under it.

"I'm ok!" She said, and crawled out. The metal rod was sticking out of her leg.

"Your leg!" Buzz cried, and reached for the rod.

"WAIT A SECOND!" Rachel snapped. "I can do it myself." She winced as she quickly pulled the bloody rod out of her leg and threw it over her shoulder. "I'll be fine..."

"But-" Buzz began but heard a chuckle behind him. He turned around and saw Bambi standing on top of the nearby pile of bricks, laughing.

"Go get him, Buzz!" Rachel said and tried to get up but winced again. Buzz charged after Bambi, but Bambi held up a brick and chucked it at Buzz, hitting him square in the head. Buzz flew onto his back and covered his face with his hands.

"HAHAHA! NOT SO TOUGH NOW, ARE YOU?" Bambi mocked. There was a sudden loud roar, and Bambi turned around and screamed. A bulldozer was charging at him, driven by Rex.

"WOOHOO!!" Rex squealed. "JOY RIDE!!" The bulldozer plowed into the pile of bricks, and there smoke and bits of brick flew everywhere. Rex screamed and started pooping uncontrollably. Bambi was buried in all the rubble of the bricks.

Buzz stared at the rubble.

"Oh God..." Buzz mumbled. "He's...DEAD!"

"Rex, you're a hero!" Malibu Rachel said, crawling over.

"Did I win anything?" Rex asked, climbing out of the big machine.

"No, but you saved our asses!" Malibu Rachel smiled. "Thank you, Rex."

"Come on, everybody..." Buzz said, sighing. "I think it's time we go home and relaz with Andy...he must be missing us..."

"Yeah, and this time there won't be any Bambi to get in the way!" Rachel smiled. Buzz swept her up into his arms and began carrying her. Rex hurried after them, leaving a trail of pee.

"Rex, are you peeing?" Rachel snapped.

"No."

"REX!"

"YES!!" Rex cried.

"Ah, what the hell, I don't give a crap, I'm just glad the nightmare's over..."

And so, the storm cleared up and the sky turned a beautiful orangy red as the toys walked off into the sunset, now stronger not only physcially, but in their friendships as well.

The End.


End file.
